Novus Operandi

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  • 23rd January
  • 23

Revenge of the flattie

There was a time in my life where I used to be ‘well endowed’. The only problem with the ‘well endowment’ was that it came with some unwanted freebies: 7kg of surplus fat, an ugly muffin top, an unsightly flabby ass, and a pair of disgusting heybabies.

As I started working out, the surplus fat, muffin top, flabby ass and heybabies slowly melted away. But there’s also the sad part of watching my so-called womanly asset slip away—from a 36C, I went sloping down to a 34A. You just can’t win.

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I feel less sexy now that I’m cleavage-less. Well, there were times when I look at Scarlett Johansson and wonder if I can pull off the same kind of dresses. Sometimes I dread, too, that my future offsprings will be malnourished. But overall, being flat isn’t at all unsexy. Look at Sasha Grey and you’ll know what I mean.

My ‘aha’ moment came one night as I was watching Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler. In the movie, Marisa Tomei (another hot flat-chested actress) plays the role of a stripper. When I saw her topless scene, I couldn’t help but Wiki her for her age—the woman looks super perky for a 45-year-old—and I guess it’s all thanks to her flatness. The lesser weight you have on your chest, the lesser there is for gravity to spoil.

I bet Marisa still can’t hold a pencil under her tits. Most of all, I’m glad that in the next 20 years, my chest would still pass for a 21-year-old’s.

  1. anewreign said: hihi…such a lose some lose some situation
  2. novarenata posted this